In Between Days 2 & 3
12:15 PMI know it has been a few days since my last post and my last dare. With the way this sub life works. My husband had duty. We had no communication for well over 48 hours. So I put Day 3 on hold. Instead I took Saturday to digest everything from Friday. I prayed a lot, I read a lot and I talked to my Mama and a few close friends. I spent the day in my thoughts and trying to grow myself, learn more. I started to read a book by the Author Dave Willis. This book is titled: "THE SEVEN LAWS OF LOVE". It really ties into everything I have been doing and practicing. But it takes a step further and breaks down our negative behaviors and patterns and how we are damaging our relationships and how to build them back up with even stronger foundations.
I spent most of my Saturday just in reflection over everything, my life, my marriage, the recent conversations with my husband and the recent conversations with other's in my life. I began to ask myself how my progress was coming along. Did I see any changes in myself and my behavior. And the sudden revelation was an astounding "Yes". I prayed some more that day and was looking forward to Sunday. Sunday meant church. Sunday meant I was going to get a message and apply it more to my life and connect with other's around me. Sunday meant I was going to feed my faith.
Sunday arrived and I woke up with a little pep in my step. I knew today was going to be an emotional and yet exciting day. I met some amazing people. The environment was huge, so many people. You could tell this was a church that was full of love and a sense of community. Everyone was so welcoming and escorted me right towards the Military Outreach booth. It was a little intimidating at first but something told me, I needed to give back and help. I ended up meeting two other wives. Both whom were so enriched in their faith it poured over them. You could feel it instantly being near them. It was infectious.
We walked into the service and I felt compelled to sit at the front. The seats were empty. It was like even though we were at church, there was intimidation of sitting in the front row seats. In all three rows the front seats were empty. So this new friends of mine and I sat in them. I recall her saying "Wow you sure are brave" as she seated herself next to me in the front row. What was brave about wanting to sit in the front row and get the full experience of the message? I wanted to soak every word in, I wanted to see the pastor's expressions and feel his words.
The message was about giving back to the community and giving back to other's around us. He touched close on the submarine life and that he wants to spread faith among the boats and these DVD sets instead of what is usually passed around among each other, "pornography". It hit too close to home. I began to weep as he continued in this part of his sermon. I knew this was one of the breakdowns in our marriage. He continued to say that "Wouldn't it be amazing if we were able to get them to pass around these DVD's instead"? I thought to myself, it would be, I wonder how I can get these out to our boat.
He then mentioned volunteering at the Military Outreach booth to help make this happen. That was it I knew I had to help. I wanted to be apart of this. Having it hit too close to home, I knew that there was something more I could do. So I signed up and will wait for an e-mail or call when they need my help. After the service concluded my new friend noticed that I wept as part of that message was being given. She confided that she too is dealing with this in her marriage. It was instant, I felt my heart grow closer to her, I hugged her and she asked what was going on. I gave her a quick run down and she grabbed my hand and asked if we could pray together.
I had never really had this before. I listened as prayed with her as I could hear the hurt and the love in her voice both very powerful and strong. To hear someone strong in their conviction of faith and their words blew me away. As she prayed for my marriage to be healed, to help me through this and help my husband and to soften his heart I began to sob. It was uncontrollable, it was emotional. Someone who barely knew me, was taking the time to pray for me and with me. This was the truest form of Grace I had ever witnessed from another person. This was God's unconditional love flowing through her and expressing it to me. I was overcome with so many emotions.
Thankfulness, amazement, sorrow and relief. And overwhelming relief to cry and let it all go with someone and give it to God. I never in a million years pictured myself in that moment. I didn't know if I was ever going to go back to church. Boy did God have a different plan and path laid out for me. He has used my pain and sorrow to lead him back to him. To build me from my struggles and to find my strengths.
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