Day Three's Introduction:

Love is not selfish

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor. (Romans 12:10)

Selfishness and love are in constant opposition to one another. While love asks us to dent ourselves for the sake of someone else, selfishness compels us to focus on ourselves at their expense. Selfishness is like a disease that suffocates our capacity to love. When we chose self-centeredness, we become higher maintenance, more needy, overly sensitive and demanding. And then when we don't get our way, we judge others harshly while being blind to our own faults.

Do I truly want what's best for my husband?

Do I want him to feel loved by  me?

Does he believe I have his best interest at heart?

Does he see me as looking out him or myself first?

Don't wait on your husband to earn your love. Be the first to demonstrate real love to him, with your eyes wide open. Show him what it looks like by your unexpected example. And when all is said and done, you will both be more fulfilled.

Do nothing from selfish or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as important as yourselves. (Philippians 2:3)

Day Three's Dare:

Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It is hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with refraining from any negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today".

So I put this dare and book on hold for a few days. I struggled with the lack of communication my husband and I were having and I had to really think about what to buy him. I was at first going to buy him an expensive pair of custom shoes with the colors picked out and his name embroidered into them, then I struggled with some bitterness and anger. I began to ask myself these questions: "Is this too much to spend on him right now with where we are at"? "Does he really deserve this when he's treating me this way"? I began to realize, I wish being selfish, I was being bitter. So I put them in my cart and saved them for when I got to the second round of doing these dares over. Instead today I bought him a kindle book about physical fitness for seal training.

I know he has been struggling with finding the motivation to work out. I figured it would be a good push in the right direction to help him. I also bought him 2 additional kindle books more so he can participate in "The Love Dare" and see if things can change and save our marriage. And also read about additional ways of showing love. I haven't said anything negative or unkind since putting my dares on hold but I found myself increasingly stressed again about this situation. It seems to come and go. I am fine one day and the next I find myself struggling a bit emotionally. Which is hard for me. I have to wake up everyday and push myself not to fall into a depression to not let it take me over. I have to dig down deep to eat right, workout, and keep going daily.

I wish I could say this is an easy process but it's not. Some day's I am in an emotional warfare with myself on not exploding on  him, crying in front of him or making him feel what I do. I know that doing these things will not help the situation we are in but that doesn't make it any easier. I knew that this was going to be a tough journey, I did. But I has no idea I was going to be in the fight for my life and my marriage. I am learning just how mentally strong I am. I having been hearing it across the board from friends, co workers, family and my therapist. I am finally seeing what they are talking about, I am seeing what I am really made of.

I am seeing the changes in myself despite the struggle of this all. Before hand if I was feeling emotionally drained, I would have crawled into bed and slept the day away. I would have given up even before I had a chance to change my way of thinking. I would let my emotions swallow me whole and take me down into deep dark black abyss of depression and self loathing. Today if I am frustrated, or feeling the weight of the world I head to the gym or I run a bubble bath and watch Netflix by candle light or read while I calm myself down and zen out. I am finding more inner strength to handle life's curve balls and stress. But it is still a struggle.

If my husband upset me in the past I would have emotionally lashed out at him, berating him, lecturing him and attempted to make him feel the hurt I was feeling. Now I can bite my tongue and try to be more patient and understanding. Though, even though I am biting my tongue that doesn't mean that sometimes I don't want to jump through the phone and just shake some sense into him. But as time goes on and as I navigate through my dares more I will be able to progress in having more true patience. So here's to another day down and Fireproofing my marriage!