Day One Introduction:

Receive this as a warning. This forty day journey can not be taken lightly. It is a challenging and often difficult process, but an incredibly fulfilling one. To take this dare requires a resolute mind and a steadfast determination. It is not meant to be sampled or briefly tested, and those who quit early will forfeit the greatest benefits. If you will commit to a day at a time for forty days, the results could change your life and marriage. Consider it a dare from others who have done it before you.


I knew that starting this journey would be a difficult one and one that would test me in every way imaginable, but until I was in the face of day one, I really had no idea.

Day One's Dare:

The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our hearts. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose to not say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.

I completed Day One and to say it was difficult was an understatement. Between phone calls and texts with my husband while he was in for a short time that day was beyond exhausting. I could feel the anger inside of me. I could feel the bitterness. I could feel this swirl of negative emotions in my body. I so desperately wanted to express these feelings. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to make him feel the hurt and pain I was feeling from his online affair(s). As we spoke on the phone, I could hear him typing in the background. I knew he was talking to a woman. I could feel the anger inside of me brewing wanting to explode. He then abruptly had to end the phone call with an excuse that he needed to go back to the boat.

I knew that this was a lie. I could feel my anger turning to rage and spilling over. Thank goodness, we were not on the phone. I was glad I had some time to myself. I closed my eyes and I prayed. I prayed for the Lord to help me fulfill this challenge, to soften my heart, to give me clarity and to help me because I was struggling. I questioned myself for a bit, whether I would be able to get through the day and not completely come unhinged the next time we spoke. I continued to pray, I cried and I broke down. How was I supposed to do this? How was I ever going to get through the next 40 days? I asked for strength, wisdom and Grace. Because I sure needed it then more than ever.

I concluded my prayers and felt a little better. My anger was lessening and I was a bit calmer. I could do this, but boy was it a test of  my strength. He did not call me back but began to text me 20 minutes later. I was glad I had that 20 minutes to myself to gather myself with God. He began to spew lies and I felt the anger a little but it was at bay for the time being. We began to text about workout routines, his health, and then I began to ask him about more in depth questioning. I asked him what made him feel loved, remembering that video, in which each individual perceives and expresses love differently. And he was very short with me and wanted to end the conversation again. With another excuse of needing to shower. But then 5 minutes later responding with, "I'm not sure, time and attention and goal alignment."

I saw a small glimmer of hope. The question made him uncomfortable, it made him squirm but something pushed him to come back and respond to me. I can only think that God stirred something inside of him and nudged him just a bit to take the time to respond, even if it was still a very short response. I then expressed to him that I too, felt love from those as well as putting in the required time in our marriage and not into other people. I wasn't negative but I do see that I could have worded it differently. I expressed to him further that I was working on myself and that I didn't want to change him or control him but that I wanted him to be comfortable opening up to me and that I hoped by leading by example it would make him more comfortable. To which he responded "Yes we will see, do what we can, I need to shower then sleep."

At that point I wasn't sure whether it was the truth or a lie. But something came over me and I began to respond one last time. Expressing that I know we are both human and will make mistakes along the way, but I promised to be a better wife. A wife that a husband deserves. And that I wanted him to be ok with telling me the difficult and hard things. That he wouldn't be met with contempt or anger. I really just wanted him to be honest with me. And then I expressed that I would be putting my all into this. And left him with this quote: "The grass isn't greener on the other side, it is greener where you water it". And that I would be watering our marriage, that I was here if he needed anything, and that I loved him, I wasn't expecting a response.

However, twenty minutes later he responded with "I love you too, Hopefully I will talk to you tomorrow for a bit and I will consider how I spend my water the best way I can." It was instant, I felt rage, my body started to shake and I fought with every fiber in my being not to go off on him. I was being kind, I was being patient, I wasn't being negative, I was expressing love, that I was putting what I have and then some into our marriage. And I was met with, him considering putting into our marriage. I was beyond angry, I wanted to jump through the phone and shake him. It felt like he was telling me I was an option and he would consider putting the required time and effort into us if he so chose to see fit. My anger was in full force. It was not easy but I chose to respond with nothing. If I responded it would have been all over.

I was not going to fail the first day of this challenging process. I was not a quitter, I was not going to give in. So I held my tongue. And we didn't speak again after that and as the lifestyle of submariners goes he went back out to sea again. I completed Day One. It was a battle from start to finish. I said nothing negative, I did not act out my anger towards him, I did not let my emotions get the better of me. They sure wanted to come out full force and control me but I somehow managed to keep them reigned in. I realized that day I had more strength then I thought. Only by the Grace of God was I able to get through that day.

I can say by far it was one the most challenging things I have had to do in my life. To fight every urge and natural reaction is not something I am accustomed to. I feel accomplished, I feel proud, I feel closer to my faith, because with out it. I am not sure I would have been able to get through it. I spent some time speaking to a few close friends, my mama and therapist about my change in behavior and what I was doing and why. Everyone seemed to have the same general consensus. That I handled it well, that I had strength most people don't, that I handled myself with Grace and that they were sure they wouldn't have been able to do it. It has made me see that I do have some strengths. Willpower, Grace, determination and the desire to better my life. All of which I can thank the Big Guy upstairs for helping me to see this. Here's to Day One down and Fireproofing My Marriage.